Tuesday, August 19, 2014
People might find me over sharing my life/thoughts on social media. I always thought that by being honest and open about myself I'm letting others understand me better, that people will be able to look from my point of view of things and know why I do or say the things I do. And I'm wrong. No one actually understand why I say "rude and disrespectful" or "inappropriate" things. Their first thought is "This girl is wrong! I disagree with what she said or did! She's rude and inappropriate!" They don't understand what I actually mean. Sometimes the things I say have double meaning but people choose the negative one because it's "more likely" and "more Esther (just because she's fierce)". Not even those I consider my closest friends and family knows what I mean. Not even. They just judge me for being negative and get angry at what I say or do. They don't understand the intention or real meaning. They don't ask if I mean it the way they think. They don't understand me. They don't even try but just leave. That's what hurts me most.
Standing up for people but getting angry feedback. Helping someone but getting scolded for doing so. That's what made me selfish.
Being there for "friends" who never cares. Trying to be someone's friend through actions and losing to someone else's negative gossip/ unhappiness about me (even when I did nothing). These are reasons why I distrust friends. (Yes, fk she/they are still in my head. I think they'll forever be.a deep scar for I still don't know what I did to them.)
Since young I've always been known as the rude kid. I've quarreled directly with adults because I disagree with their actions. Till today we are not on good terms. I dislike having to agree with people who I disagree with, and nothing can change my mind. I cannot even pretend to. And I hate people using age as a reason. Because age might equal experience, but it doesn't equal to your every action being correct. I might be wrong to be vocal about your actions, but I'm sorry, I can't stand. I'm self-righteous like that. Even with no support.
Even if the whole world doesn't understand me, I'll still stand by what I believe. I know my intentions and I know what I mean. I don't care if I'm being disrespectful. Respect needs to be earn. Not by age, but by actions. Honestly don't come telling me off because there's way more disrespectful things you've done to your own parents at YOUR age. AND the first person you should be scolding is definitely not me. Get your priorities right.
Don't even know what's the point I'm trying to make anymore. I'm so tired of this damn life. At the age of 21. Wow.
Standing up for people but getting angry feedback. Helping someone but getting scolded for doing so. That's what made me selfish.
Being there for "friends" who never cares. Trying to be someone's friend through actions and losing to someone else's negative gossip/ unhappiness about me (even when I did nothing). These are reasons why I distrust friends. (Yes, fk she/they are still in my head. I think they'll forever be.a deep scar for I still don't know what I did to them.)
Since young I've always been known as the rude kid. I've quarreled directly with adults because I disagree with their actions. Till today we are not on good terms. I dislike having to agree with people who I disagree with, and nothing can change my mind. I cannot even pretend to. And I hate people using age as a reason. Because age might equal experience, but it doesn't equal to your every action being correct. I might be wrong to be vocal about your actions, but I'm sorry, I can't stand. I'm self-righteous like that. Even with no support.
Even if the whole world doesn't understand me, I'll still stand by what I believe. I know my intentions and I know what I mean. I don't care if I'm being disrespectful. Respect needs to be earn. Not by age, but by actions. Honestly don't come telling me off because there's way more disrespectful things you've done to your own parents at YOUR age. AND the first person you should be scolding is definitely not me. Get your priorities right.
Don't even know what's the point I'm trying to make anymore. I'm so tired of this damn life. At the age of 21. Wow.